Board to death

I'd like to take a minute to talk about something newly near-and-dear to my heart-- the delicate art of shooting down a snowy mountainside at high speeds while strapped to an extremely slippery object.

Sounds dangerous, right? WRONG! Snowboarding is actually extremely safe, provided you're as awesome at it as I am. On the other hand, if you're Jen Park, you should probably stick to needlepoint. You know what? Scratch that too-- just get yourself a nice, safe beachball and go to town. But remember to let some of the air out first-- you wouldn't want the surface of the beach ball to be too pressure-resistant, or you might break off a finger.

The point is this: snowboarding for me has taken on some of the qualities associated with the zen disciplines. Zen advocates the clear-minded repetition of an activity until one's soul has become purified. I sometimes have a tendency to curse, or leer at attractive J-girl snow bunnies when I'm boarding, so I'm having a tough time gauging the purity level of my human spirit. However, I've got the repetition part nailed to the wall and then some. If you need proof, check out my righteous goggle-tan which makes me look like a big-nosed, beard-stubbled gyaru girl.

I'm actually starting to get worried. My boarding bro, Garold Donaghy, has found a mountain that's open through JULY. Here we were, unsuspectingly thinking that boarding through May was as depraved as it got. With no end in sight, I have to wonder when I'll find time to have money again. At this rate, "boarding season" is strongly threatening to become a misnomer. After all, I'll be home through August-- what's to stop us from slipping through the end of July, then flying to Hokkaido on odd weekends until things get sufficiently snowy in Gunma again?

Scoff all you want, but if I need a fix bad enough, I'll fly to Siberia to get it.

PS - I love Jen Park. Did you know her wrist is broken? おだいじに、Jenny!

JenniferCPark's picture


Once my wrist heals,
I'm clenching them into fists
and sending them to your gyaru face
at high speeds

Benji-Sensei's picture

I'm quaking with terror

You're a lot of talk, JC3PO. How many times have you teased that your cast was off-coming? With bones as brittle as yours, I'm not convinced the doctors will ever trust you enough to go unsupported again :-p

JenniferCPark's picture

You II

Little known fact,
Koreans have lasers that shoot from our knuckles.